Am I making it worse?
There is a reason that an addiction intervention is often called a family intervention. Enabling, put quite simply, is the actions someone takes or does not take that allow or help an addict to continue drinking or using. Oftentimes, with the best intentions and through love and caring, we inadvertently strengthen the addiction of a loved one when what we really intended to do was help them to stop.
This process usually begins slowly over time and almost always with the intention to help. The alcoholic is hung over and we call him off work because we don’t want him to lose his job, or we lend the drug user money because he is just a little bit behind this week. As untreated alcoholism and drug addiction progresses, so too can our enabling behaviors progress.
We find ourselves tolerating more and more outrageous behaviors that we never would have put up with years or even months ago. We begin to compromise our own sense of morals and dignity. Our focus becomes more and more on the addicted one and we, very often, begin to lose ourselves in the process. Emotionally, spiritually, mentally and financially we end up drained. At later stages, the addict’s behavior can even begin to affect us physically after the anxiety and stress of a hundred sleepless nights begin to add up.
In the end it is usually only anger, frustration and hopelessness that is left. Sometimes we become so frustrated we give up, but some of us hang on to the bitter end, always asking ourselves. Just why won’t he get help? Why won’t he get help? The answer is pretty simple. Because right now his drug and alcohol use is more comfortable at some level than seeking treatment. With all the negative consequences that we see, it may not appear so comfortable to us, but it’s the truth. And the reason that it is more comfortable for him is because we have helped to make it that way.
It is common for us to find a loving family completely encircling an addict. He has no job because the family loans him money, he has no apartment because the family lets him stay with them just until he gets on his feet, he is not in jail because the family has bailed him out, he drives drunk because no one confronts him, his grandparents do not know because the family keeps the addiction a secret, and he is not in prison because they did not want to give him any more legal problems even though he has stolen from them time and time again.
Of course these are extreme examples but enabling even occurs towards those who haven’t quite bottomed out and are still highly functional in society. For us to more greatly understand our role in the lives of an addicted one, it is best if we break down the basic types of enabling behaviors during the intervention process, understand the effect this actually has on our loved one and look back into our past and see if we have exhibited any of these behaviors.
Do not worry if you have done or currently possess any of these enabling characteristics. As we like to say, the more enabling factors that are currently present, the better, because we are going to change them. As long as all the factors around an addict remain the same he will continue to behave as he always has. If we change our behaviors then so must he in response. We need the addict to feel the negative consequences of their lifestyle choice, perhaps for the first time in his life. But if I kick him out, what if I never see him again?
Many people consider an intervention tough love. Although fewer than 10% of our alcohol and drug interventions actually go to tough love or bottom-lines, many families place a great deal of attention on it when deciding on whether or not to do an addiction intervention. Some family members are simply afraid that if they get tough or do an alcohol or drug intervention on an addict or alcoholic, they may lose what little connection they have, could antagonize their loved one or might even lose their loved one forever. Families can end up being stuck between fear and hope.
Fear that they will make things worse if they push the issue and the hope that one day their loved one may wake up and want to change. In the worst cases a family will just hang on, unwilling to make a collective move, until that terrible day when they get the dreaded phone call that it is too late. Tough love can be a scary concept to a family, but once you grasp the true nature, it can be one of the most effective approaches you have in getting your loved one to embrace recovery. Basically, tough love is where we draw a line in the sand with a using alcoholic or addict.
It is an acknowledgement that if he wishes to continue on a path of his own destruction, we will no longer participate, be negatively affected or dragged down with them any longer. It is potentially the final statement in any addiction intervention. Tough love should never be delivered out of anger or spite. Effectively delivered, tough love can be a message of love. It is actually just a setting of healthy boundaries.
If your loved one decides that he wants to continue using drugs or alcohol, then your intervention counselor will help guide you and your family through determining what aspects of their lives need to be changed so that you can be free from the addiction of your loved one. Understand that an alcohol or drug intervention is never about us forcing you to disconnect or detach from a loved one addicted to drugs or alcohol. You will only do what you feel you must.
We are only there to guide and empower you through the steps that will allow you to see things differently. Shouldn’t I wait until he reaches his bottom? The unfortunate reality is that statistically most people addicted to drugs or alcohols don’t actually get sober. Some get arrested, overdose, or die in car wrecks; but most just continue on until eventually their health gives out. Even the negative consequences of the addiction don’t seem enough to stop them.
The heroin addict who overdoses, is brought back to life and immediately goes out to get another bag of dope is a classic and all too familiar case. Even the alcoholic usually continues to drink after job loss, failed marriage, or repeated drunken driving arrests. Walk down the skid row of any city. Their families are still waiting for them to their bottom. In the worse cases of methamphetamine addiction, by the time the addict reaches their bottom, they are clinically insane with methamphetamine psychosis. Waiting for them to figure it out themselves usually ends in failure. True success can begin with you. With our guidance, educating yourself, empowering yourself, you can make a difference.
We are here to assist the addict, alcoholic, family members or loved ones, choose the best course of action to deal with the issue of alcoholism and or addiction, empowering families to help themselves and find freedom from problem behaviors. There are no quick fixes, but recovery is possible. Families, by nature, are resilient and can compensate for unbalanced behavior problems, but by making a decision to intervene, the family has decided to ask for help. An intervention provides the family an opportunity to initiate change. Our primary purpose is to get your loved one the treatment they need as quickly as possible.
Often, medical stabilization/detoxification followed by residential treatment and or outpatient treatment, while developing a strong support network, is what will be required. By utilizing an experienced interventionist, and with the family’s love and support, the intervention has a much better chance of being successful. Oftentimes the family is aware of the dangers of their use and abuse while the individual is unaware of the severity of the situation, but sometimes families themselves are unsure of the extent of the problems and education is then needed. Intervention is the process of presenting reality in a way that people are receptive to.
Intervention
Sometimes just a simple request from someone who matters can turn the tide. Simply ask the person to not drink. Believe it or not, this sometimes works. It is extraordinary how many times this has not been done because of a belief that nothing was ever going to change. And if this has not been done, it should always be the first step before any more complicated or involved form of intervention is embarked upon. Sometimes families get stuck repeating the same mistakes and expecting different outcomes.
For example, a professional provides a process towards recovery rather than an event. Identifying the appropriate treatment facility is a key component to the individual treatment process. We have found that merely detoxification with intensive outpatient programming brings approximately 5-10 % success rates, while residential treatment matching the patient’s needs will bring over 50% success rate.
Crisis Intervention
This is the polar opposite of the Simple Intervention. Crisis Interventions occur in dangerous situations involving reckless driving, weapons, hospital emergency rooms, or violence or threats of violence. It is obvious in these situations that a person is in immediate danger to himself or others. The immediate objective in these cases is to calm the crisis and to create safety for all. Remember, a crisis often creates golden opportunities for family members to help someone accept help.
Drug Detoxification
Detoxification is the first process towards rehabilitation. It is a phase that can take from one day up to 14 days. It depends on the substance used by the addict as well as the length and quantity of the drug or alcohol used by the addict. The detox phase of the rehabilitation is never enough if the psychological aspects have not been address such as returning to the same environment, drug addicted friends and any other environmental aspect that will trigger back the addiction. Detox centers is the process of getting the person off the immediate effects of the drugs, medication or alcohol. Detox is not intended to bring the person off of the long term effects of the substance.
What needs to be achieved with a good detox center is to get the person out of physical pain, to restore a standard sleeping schedule and proper eating habits. There are some instances when someone would need a medical detox. Drugs such as benzodiazepine, alcohol, anti-depressants and other medications may require medical detoxification. There are also a few street drugs where addicts would need a medical detox such as certain opiates. If you have any doubts whether you need a medical detox or not, please contact a doctor or a professional on addiction.
Drug rehabilitation
Rehabilitation is the second phase of treatment for addiction. Rehabilitation helps the person to gain control of his life. In choosing any drug treatment centers, you must look closely at the rehabilitation phase and ask yourself the following questions. Will the program bring back the ability to better deal with life? You need to make sure that it addresses the weak points of the addict in order to get them to take responsibility their life, family, job, finance etc.
Does the program use medication? Medication might be necessary when there is a physical problem. As far as addiction, the programs that use medication have proven to be unsuccessful to cure the addiction. You cannot cure an addiction with a pill. That would be fantastic but the fact is it just gives the person an addiction as it is prescribed. There is nothing in life that can be cured with pills. So if a program gives you whatever good reasons they use medication, it does not work.
Rehabilitation: To restore to good health or useful life, as through therapy and education.